June 2014
So here's the deal. I'm 29 years old, single, living in Raleigh, North Carolina (marriage capital of the world, I'm pretty sure), carrying my own baggage of goodies as most people nearing their thirties are. From the outside, I look pretty normal. But not everything is what it seems.
I feel compelled to share this as much as I always have for the past seventeen years. You see, mental health is near and dear to my heart. I've struggled with sadness my whole life, but when I lost my brother due to suicide at the age of 12, I knew from that moment I wanted to be an advocate for mental health patients, families, and loved ones. My brother was 26 when he died, just a week shy of 27. I went through life not understanding how we can just follow these rules, living like herded sheep, just for it all to come to a screeching end. I struggled with this thinking since my brother became ill, for he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder not that long before his passing. I want to say less than a year prior but I was young, what did I know. All I know is I was afraid, locking myself in my room, unsure of the next action he might take. Unsure if I might be attacked. Afraid I might turn out just like him.
And I did.
Well, not an exact replica, but you get the idea. I, myself, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 24. I have spent every single second of every day since then working to better myself in every way. I struggle and fall hard, probably more often than not, but what matters is that I keep trying, knowing I am emotionally strong enough to pull through the dark times and see that light at the end of the tunnel. I am not my disease, but I do have to deal with it. Every decision of every day impacts whether I'm moving closer to my health and wellness, or driving myself back to a place of unpredictability and madness.
I don't write any of this to gain sympathy or to jerk any tears from your exhausted eyes. I write because it's what's in my heart and the only thing that feels right to me. Every day is a journey in seeing what actions and decisions I can make to feel better, whether it be in that moment or by the end of the day. After being diagnosed with any kind of illness, your whole world seems to be flipped upside down. Nothing looks the same to you anymore. Suddenly things that seemed so dire begin to disappear into the shadows. You wake up and it's as if everything has been taken from you. It sucks and it hurts. But I'm here to tell you there are ways to live healthfully and make the best of this life we're given, with or without illness. I write this blog to inspire, to share, but mostly to connect to those of you out there who often feel as alone as I do in times of struggle. Let us be rocks to each other and hold strong to the belief that there are good days and bad, but there are always decisions you can make to pull through and see the light in the darkness.
Hope you'll join me in my journey of learning how to live healthfully while I work on my therapeutic writing and share my toughest times with the world.
Thank you,
Natale
