Support Systems

July 2014

At an outdoor venue after a Thursday evening women's race, I was asked the question, "Is that your primary support system?"  What a compassionate question to ask another human being.  Taken back by the question, I thought for a second and responded, "No, I don't have one."

This led to some reflecting on my end.  Why don't I have a support system?  I've been asked this question in therapy sessions and never knew how to answer.  That's the unfortunate reality of living in silence.  Sure, you might have fair-weather friends who are there for some drinks and laughs, but who will be there when you really need them?  Will you be willing to open yourself up enough to ask for help and support?  I know with my stubborn ways, that's not something that came very naturally.  I could handle it myself.  I don't need anybody.

That's just the wrong attitude to have.  Thinking we don't need each other and can do things on our own sets us up for a life of loneliness, disconnect, and cynicism.  I grew up as someone who wore a smile and kept everything in.  After all,  nobody wants to be around you when you're less than cheerful, right?  That's what went through my mind anyway.  After being diagnosed in 2009, I went a year without coping, trying to move on and push through life like a "normal" person.  Man did that backfire.  Now, five years later, I'm still working to find balance and live healthfully with my diagnosis, trying to focus on what I must do to stay well and not just stay alive, but thrive.

So in coming back to this whole support system deal, it's one of the most important things to have outside of yourself.  Sure, we can set schedules, eat well, exercise, take appropriate supplements, avoid triggers, but we can't face everything alone.  After being asked this question, I realized I don't allow people to become part of a support system and that's my problem.  I have since (granted, it's only been a few days), opened up to a few kind-hearted people who happen to like me for my both my flaws and attributes.  Also, to be honest, type-vomiting your vulnerability via the internet is quite therapeutic and has a way of bringing out true colors in some people.

I ask you, who is in your support group?  Do you have those, say, five or so people you can turn to when things get a little too heavy or overwhelming?  For me, this question really made me think about the people I choose to have in my life and whether there was a surface or genuine connection. After all, we all want to feel connected and included in this world.  Don't battle your demons alone.  Reach out, you might be surprised where you find a helping hand.

Best,
Natale